A Layer of Dust

We wrote this, by hand.
We printed this, by intuition.
We bound this. by choice
And now we are putting it on the shelf, by necessity.
The pleasure of revisting it will be exciting, I am sure.
Let it gather a layer of dust.
Then open it up and read a page each day.
Careful not to spoil anything,
Be careful not to foil the plot.
You know the ending. You know how the lines.
But pretend you don't and read it everytime as if it is new.
Wear the pages til you can't see the print anymore
Only then will you be able to remember it by heart.
And maybe, just maybe....
Maybe a sequel could be in the works.
But for now, let it gather a layer of dust.
The tears to be cried will wash it away.
But for now, let it gather a layer of dust.

Above all

I want you to know this:

You are my everything.
Flowers come forth from your lips everytime you utter my name
Sending me high on clouds that waver ever so slightly.
Above everything. Above all

No one has ever touched me like you have touched me.
Porcelein. The skin of a virgin.
How it caressed me and made me strong.
How it knew how to touch me. How to hold me.
How to comfort every inch of insecurity.

Hold me on a branch
Held high above the ground.
I never feared the wind--you always were my safety net
The thrill excited me. The fall always scared me.
But above all, I was comforted---
Our love was higher than anyone else's

Fall.

Now listen:

You must understand that I am angry.
I am sad and betrayed.
I betrayed myself
I never listened.
You betrayed me--your love cracked and ran dry
But above all, I am happy

I know that one day we will come together again.
Like a moth to a flame, I can't fight it.

Understand I must move on.
Understand I need your love more than ever.
Understand I yearn for your body laying against mine
But above all, I desire our contentment
Our intelligence.
Our synchonozation.
Those things will never fail.
They will never fall.

Whether alone, or together,
Dead or alive,
No matter how many storms may pass
No matter how many deserts may envelope our souls
No matter how many waves crash above our heads,
The tree may shake with the wind,
The rivers may run dry,
But, Above all,
The land upon which we stood will be lush forever.

And in my dreams, I will visit it often.

Wishful Thinking

I want everything to be perfect--
I wish I were more realistic.

I want to be in control--
I should be more chill.

I listen to crazy music--
I should listen to James Blunt.

I care to much about people--
I should care about myself more.

I put relationships first--
I should study architecture.

I wait for you call--
I should call you.

I yearn for a stable environment--
I need to be stable myself.

I need to not think about the 26th day--
I should live for the present.

I should not call for a second chance--
I need to scream it at the top of my voice.
Hear me--
Don't just listen.

Finish Line

Running away from the problem always gets you to the finish line.
The finish line...what a simple idea:
That yellow piece of paper you run through that signifies an ending.
The race can be so long, but the finish line is the same.
Eight days. Eight months. Eight years.

All the things we have been through do not deserve a hasty end.
All the things I have found out about you do not.
All the things I have found out about myself do not.
All the memories:
The squirrel with the cup, the hampster in his ball
The coffeehouses downtown, the painting on the wall
Late night house hunting, the names of yet-to-be-borns,
The family get-togethers and those four hour calls.
Dancing together making our own rythym and pace.
Our synchronization can turn a crowded room into our intimate space.

Don't run away to the finish line.
I don't want it to be over.
Its not a game.
Its not a race.
Its us.
Its us.

Eight days, eight months, eight years.
I will wait an eternity til the finish line completes itself in another world.

Truth

Of all the hearts and souls and lives in all the people in all the world, he chose mine.

He changes me. He makes me beautiful. He makes me ugly. But above all, he makes me who I am---and I thank him for it.

I am in love.
I am sorry.

Love Is

Love is standing by your partner's side without being asked to. Love is when he cuts his finger carving a pumpkin and you rush his to the E.R. Love is when you have pneumonia and he waits with you for 7 hours while you are in the hospital waiting to be treated. Love is taking care of your other half when he drinks too much and needs a ride home. Then, he vomits all over himself and passes out and you take him to bed and wipe of his face with a soapy cloth and change his clothes without him knowing. Love is when he has the stomach virus and you wake up over and over to go to the store to get him medication at 4am. and then at 7. and then at 8:30.

Love is knowing when to stop. Love is understanding that sometimes, its ok to be alone. Love is staying away from drama. Love is to understand. Love is knowing that trust is the biggest part of a relationship and that communication is its strongest foundation. The floors are the past, the walls are the present, and the roof is that attainable, however difficult future that points to the heavens as if saying, "Love is life."

Groundhog

I am sure most people are familiar with the movie "Groundhog Day", where Tom Hanks wakes up day after day to the same date, February 2nd.

This was my idea for my 'sophomore' blog. All to often, people get into a habit. Things become habitual and there is no excitement. Routine. I know that for myself, I have at times been known to do things that I normally wouldn't do just because I became accustomed to a situation or a person.

It is times like these in which people need to step back and realize how their life has blessed them. Life is such a precious commodity that so few fulfill. And all to often, lives are cut short or are damaged at a moment when no sees it coming.

I have been so blessed in my life. I have an amazing family who supports me, provides for me, and makes sacrifices for my well-being and my comfort. I have incredible friends who surrond me and make my life ridiculously fun. I have been blessed with talent and ability and I go to a good school, majoring in a program that is very difficult to be accepted into. I have a boyfriend who takes my life from day to day to something extraordinary and awe-inspiring. He takes me to heights I never knew I would reach. He has shown me every side of him, opening up like no one else has. And in doing so, I have learned so much about myself.

These winter days make it difficult to think like that. Sometimes its easier to be crabby and insensitive. Its how you appreciate things and people that make you a good person. Don't let things become so routine that they bore you and you don't care about being insensitive. Be in tune. Be connected. Be synchronized.

Time

There is not enough time on the clock to explain how little time there is.
Time is a universal hazard; a personal, controlled chaos
Time goes by so slowly for those who wait.
I don't wait for time--
And time doesn't wait for me
Time will run out---whether in one month or six
Four and a half more years
Forever
Years can separate beings, or bring them together.
Maturity is a virture
And time, it is a universal hazard; a personal, controlled chaos
One month or six
Waiting to cry, waiting to breath, waiting to exhale
Four and a half years
Wait.